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not me for You

isaiah40:30-31
"Even youths grow tired and weary
and young men stumble and fall
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength
they will soar on wings like eagles
they will run and not grow weary
they will walk and not be faint"

BEAUTYforASHES
janis
eighteen
volleyball
republicPoly
integrated events management
cityharvest
e314
DJS
svrvsv
w16f,w26c
onetreehill
wentworth miller
SI-DE
dusty
01
MYpaperboy<3
theafters
jackmanniquin
remoreien
waking up to the rain
veterinarian
event planner
3AM.s
CK's euphoria
childs laughter
marry a vetHAHA
cristianoronaldo
junichiinamoto
rose
sun&rain

"and we always ask for a little more"



history in the making
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
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November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007


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20061009
heart.

"Somethings just aren't meant to be yours.Or somethings,you'll destroy or it'll destroy you if you hold onto it.I told myself,I'll be careful with the things I hold now.I'll put down the things I know I cannot afford to hold,and hold tightly the things I need to hold.Maybe you'd tell me I'm selfish,how cna I neglect some of them.But the thing is,I can't hold it if its not for me!Somebody else will pick it up,and you never know,it might be the rightful owner."
johns blog(:
i hope you dont mind this tho.
touched celia and I.



lesson learnt. i should watch what i say. and blog about. (:


sometimes, i wonder what goes on in your mind. haha. and sometimes i should stop wondering what goes on in your mind.
thank you for still replying nicely.



anyway! on a happier tone!
i really had a good time today. had lunch with mom and pops and do. then went to send jo off at the airport. gonna miss my darling sister alot. then waited for wee to reach the airport, hung around with him in guardian till like 430. went off to clementi to meet hui and des for dinner. ended up with huimin(huis sis), spenc and joy. haha. some mini-class outing. ate some jap food ard clementi interchange. and yes thank you des for treating me (it was really nice of you) hawhaw our pooooor $2.90 laters headed back to mac to play scooby-doo. heh.
okay. this is the first time in a long time since i last talked about my day haha.



okay, i was reading john's blog. and felt really encouraged and blessed.
you know, there are many times that i have broken God's heart. and a broken heart really hurts, that im sure of. and like, i have been disobedient many times. when i know, I KNOW, He told me to let go i still held on to it so tightly. and now, i have to bare the consequences. not like a couple of months is that easy to bare. no, it wasnt. honestly. and i find myself trying to find someone to blame for all the lostness i feel. but at the end of the day, it isnt about them. you know JANJAN. they already have moved on, but youre still sitting here dwelling in self-pity, at the end of the day, they arent going to feel the pain that you thought they caused you, YOU ARE. you are at the end of the day, the victim of your very own schemes.
it hurts to fall, i know. and i know that whoever is reading this now, has fallen many times in your life. and sometimes, the falls just seem so DARN difficult to get back up on track. but. God has already promised you. and i know, my God doesnt lie.
i feel like a wreck. and a happy child at the same time altogether. i dont want to disappoint the people who has invested in my life with their time, efforts and energy encouraging me.


what do you really want?



i want to love e314 more. not as a whole, but individually, each and every single person i want to love. i want to run the vision with my leader, i want to fight for her. this is my desire. to run the vision with my leader, always. and i hope to be given this chance. and i never want to lose it.
apart from that, i remembered what June said to me, Sis Yah Lan has got a big umbrella, that she contains so many people. "you can be the influence" ive never forgotten.
Sis Sharon, Xin Ying and Desmond are the people whom i really look up to, who taught me so much throughout the course of my life here in the house. they really have this love flowing out of them and i know that no men can ever provide such love to the people around them. and it is the love of God. i want to be like them, but God-created. Janis(;


Janis, i know you are going to make it this time.



you are not going to take anything away from me, and i am not letting you do so too.


2:01 AM