heh ive got one tree hills season3 in my hands.
i like OTH alot, it makes me think, about alot of stuff ive neglected and feel alot of stuff ive never felt.
and the best thing is, the music is really good.
exclusively.


my love language took a change, im not sure if its for the better, but my primary love language changed from "words of affirmation" to "quality time".
and i think i clearly know the reason why.
thats why lessons learnt in life... have reasons.




when i sing to Him, i know feelings i received isnt from the tone or mood, but feelings, from my heart.
and yes, my first joy. NOONE, no one,can ever take from me.



and its because, im janis. thats why im enough.




(;
and i will take my time to smell the roses.


2:42 AM

okay. heres something funny but, well in my case i feel complimentary.
hawhaw i was relating my story to him about this guy..
spenc: "so, are you attached"
hui: "no la, i dont think she is attached. look at her, so carefree."
bwaha funny thing is hui and spenc are attached themselves. i guess that explains the sometimes-stressed-face hawhaw anw still loving them alot of. sniggers. i take that as a compliment.



haha. its funny when you stop caring about wanting to have a boyfriend, people just suddenly pop into your life. i guess its really divine? imagine if God still made me to want to have "the urge" i would have gotten myself into a bad stinking relationship alr. and that definately wouldnt please Him, would it? haha. timing. timing. timing.

timings really impt.
the right timing, God's timing.
and timing is very very important when it comes to volleyball too, wrong timing, no play at all. no fight.
a time frame, for relationships.
is there?



and i send my love to van.
thanks for having dinner with me darling and listening to my constant woes. it really is a joy on my side to see you happy at wherever you are now. and lets make this deal, this battle to fill our love tank every wednesday. bwhaha. green baby loves you.



and i send my love to wee.
thanks for turning back from kallang to city hall to sit, or rather stand on the train with me. (: and for that message you sent me after i left. i really appreciated it, and everything of you.



i really wanna go for the w16f bbq today, and i hope i am allowed to.

4:02 PM

sometimes.
all i have to do is to take a step back for other relationships between two other people to happen. if i werent in the way.
and it seems, its really working out... well.



i seek to improve.
i seek to smile again.



volleyball is more than just the game itself.

12:21 AM

went for lunch with ziping and bobby after school today.
like so cute.
hawhaw like who would ever imagine the 3 of us having lunch tog.
anyway, when we were eating, they talked to me, about my plays in court and all. and both of them were correcting me about my spiking and how i use my elbow more than my wrist and all. when wrist is much more efficient.
(;
haha. i thought it was really lovely. hawhaw


2months alr;D


get well soon debster darling(; fishie side and i love you. (;


YAY. its training day tmr.
w26c sure is going to get competitive, yet exciting! yoohoo! (:
made a couple of nice people over the 3days.. yousof, khalis(write republic mate), faizal, blake(vietnamese), dennis, dara (pretty girl). (:




*i like to see you here and there suddenly
(;

10:09 PM

The Greek philosopher Empedocles believed that everything in the world is made up of four elements – earth, air, fire, and water, and these elements are held together by love and driven apart by strife.


interesting(;

10:19 AM

underestimated my class.
):
ahhh. everyones so good.
and competitive.


today.


9:59 AM

1:08 AM

life is all about decisions.
you have to keep choosing and choosing and choosing.
somtimes you look back and think and wonder how would life be like if you chose a different road.
how would is be like if i didnt re-sit for my Olevels?
how would it be like if i turned down caylin's offer to church?
how would it be like if i told the guy i like, i like him?
how would it be like if i sent heskie to the vet one day earlier?
how would it be like if i decided to go to the other cell for my trainings months back?
how would it be like if i didn't turn back to find sis yahlan when she called for me?
how would it be like if i didn't call her that day to help settle her dilemna and miss church and her party?
how would it be like if i decided not to do my QT tonight?
how would it be like if i just didn't want to move on because i felt it isnt fair?
how would it be like if i didn't avail myself so freely before a friend?
how would it be like if i chose floorball instead of volleyball in RP?
how would it be like if i chose netball instead of volleyball in shss?
how would it be like if i decided to reject at the right time?
how would it be like if i took a little more effort in certain friendships?
how would it be like if i decided i had a long day at school and not want to train the best i know how?
how would it be like if i didnt start the ball rolling on first days?
how would it be like if i decide to live by how i feel all the time?


okayy thats a pretty long list for now. and so heart-felt. and wondered, if i had chosen to do B instead of A would things have worked out better? and then again, or for the worse? regrets pull you back double portion.
daddy always tell me, life is too short to live with regrets.
and i shall be obedient.





tired of trying to guess what are you thinking about, tired of pressing in but i dont get anything out of it when im taught that i should. ive given my best, if its not enough for you, ill never be enough for you. sorry, for disappointing you.



anyway. to
ZHIJUN*
you have done well today during training, and i am proud of you girl(; like what you always call me. chin up! and believe youll perform even better! MUACKS!



lunch with suriani and desdes.

10:57 PM

i was thinking about long bus rides the entire night.
hahaha.
right, love?
(;


im already missing w16f altogether. new class has been released today. okaaay. would be going to w26c. so weird, looking at LEO. not w16f anymore. i guess the only thing that is constant is change in RP. 6 different batches of mates ill be meeting for the entire 3years here. today really feels very much like first day of school altogether. im excited yet scared you know that kinda. hawhaw but whatever it is.. im really believing for a great time in w26c for the next 16weeks.
no more uncle to nag and suan me, no more woman to laugh at stupid things like body parts and mama kotek box. is going to feel, quite different.
to my sem1'06 class w16f, always remembered. ;D



came across a phrase today which set me thinking.
"can we love like we've never been hurt before?"
and as i was reading - i kissed dating goodbye- for the past few weeks, the first part of the book it says that everytime we love someone, and fall for someone a part/portion of our hearts goes to them. and whats left of marriage is after giving the various pieces away.
whats left?
like what pastor kong said, to give us our manessah. our forgetfulness. it says also, forgiveness is nothing compared to forgetfulness.
it easy to forgive, and just start talking to the person all over again, but what goes behind the scenes at the back of our heads? the past hurts and bitterness? i pray not, really. i guess to forget is really having to talk to the person who has hurt you like pain never exsisted in the relationship. take this. God doesnt remember what we have done to break His heart, if so. i wonder how all that loving comes about.
so, yes. it is possible to love like we've never been hurt before.
till then. i pray for my manessah.
to forget everything else except you all as a person and all the good times we shared(;



i can never play ball like how i play ball with debster&siii.



goodmorning janjan The Lord said this morning.
im hungry.

12:29 AM

ooh okie. all praise for randomcity.
im going to state what i will do today.
because this is the first time since the hols started, i stayed at home properly(;


1.email marcus sauw
2.make sure i know where to go for tmr's biennale and make sure i know what to where and what time to reach
3.plan my goals for sem2
4.plan my time to go find chin ghee this week
5.read
6.watch benchwarmers
7.prepare my bbq later in the evening with my girls
8.go swimming(considering the weather)
9.CALL MELANIE (im sure u can do that jan, u miss her dont you?)
10.spend time with God(; -ahhh thats what im waiting for




randomly passed by a note nigel gave me tt i stuck on my wall...
"great play, well done. train hard for polite"
(:
ill say hes one of the guys who nods with great affirmation abt my plays in court(:

11:47 AM

seeing you that day made me happier!
(;



ive gotten back my results already. gpa 3.5.
whatever it is, i would say its Him(:
having to transit from there to here wasnt exactly easy considering whole sem, lots of downs and heart attacks.. well. and the good people who came into my life and the funny times too, not forgetting.
im just really glad ive got B for both math and science module.



serivce was really good. i feel like i love my partner even more already although well. i do not know whom. hahaha.



ahhh. beautiful inside, i would say.



sometimes. i wonder if its ever possible for a person to remain equal in their preferences towards people. but then again, everyones not perfect.. but it really felt like she didnt even try. groan.
i find it so hard to turn to you.


a woman after God's own heart.
"new beginnings isnt about where you decide to change phyiscally or on the exterior. but it begins first with you."
new chapters can happen anywhere janjan


12:07 AM

i want to go, really soon.
honestly.

1:19 AM

pastor kong talked abit about love during serivce yesterday.
3things ive learnt about love, which i like alot.
1.love gives you strength
2.love covers a multitude of sin
3.love protects
(;
now i know why.



cg chalet was really good. especially the last night. when hz talked to us about quiet time. i was really convicted in my heart, knowing that i have to do something about my personal prayer time with God.
whilst worshiping, i saw 2sparrows fly by, closed my eyes and remembered in the bible, God says that even the sparrows he wont neglect makes sure they have food to consume for survival. what more about us- humans. created for His purpose. dont you think we are being loved a a even more greater measure?
loving someone, you want to just spend time and talk to the person. how much do you love Him that you want to just be in His presence, all the time?





11:29 PM

remembering the educational shows of steve irwin.
and his courage with crocs and reptiles altogether.
(;


fishiee is like staring at me now. dont know what is he thinking. i wish it'll never have to die.
anyway.
the new job spenc intro-ed me was quite good, 7/hr. and envioronment etc is pretty fine too, made a couple of new friends too, and they were really nice.


service was GREAT. (;
God really interceed for me. everything that i have ever forgotten was remembered and being dealt with.
sometimes, i look back at all the happy times i had which i know i now would never have, but yet. the regret somehow died along the way. knowing that, happiness now and in the future is better.
right........?



dear eggtart,
i pray youll be the happiest man youve ever known.
love puobing.



and yes, this time, ill stop to smell the roses
;D

3:47 PM

i woke up early this morning, feeling extremely sore and a big void in my heart..
i talked to myself, but it was of no use.
i watched dvd, it was in vain.
indeed.

those times were the best, when it was filled only with roses, and no apologises.

how momo it may all sound,
but i miss you.



love,
janis.


all i ask, is just one touch from You, Lord. today.
and that is where, i wanna stay. always..

9:53 AM

11:43 PM

volleyball sports tour is over, not finally. );
i miss everything about it already, except from the lack of sleep.
heh heh.
everyone has been such a darling.
got to know the guys from the team, and know the girls in a greater measure altogether!
matches and trainnings were really good i thought.
i really ought to thank the girls for believing in me and wanting to see me being able to perform, not only that, but for rena whom has been trying to help me overcome my fear.
in coms that is.
(;
siii has been such a sweetheart thruout even tho she has been the irritating girl! like not holding the foodstuff because she knows why and keeping me locked out );
bwhaha.
and phloy for knowing how to make me happy and a little less nervous!! (;


HURMS. feels weird. that smile of affirmation he gave me.. i dont think ill ever forget the look on his face (;
the presence, my joy then.


im excited, yet sad, yet scared.
haha. believing that this time, its going to be GREAT. this change.
[friendships are intentional, not concidental]
(;


bless my sister, Lord.
let nothing happen to her.

1:02 AM