people will leave
10:00 PM
20050829
its real, the pain you feel, you die to heal
*He
Everyone has their own share of problems and shit loads....
some known some unknown....
one thinks that he has to put a facade in order to be acknowledged by his "friends",
the taboo of being labelled as an 'outcast', 'freak', 'geek', 'queer','mad'...little does he know that everyone in his social circle has their very own hurdles that they are struggling to overcome....
He is a poseur... trying to be something he is not..... to get the attention and the 'acceptance'
He goes home, lost, wondering how he had done that day, the pretence,
well played?
He is on a roller coaster....
some days overjoyed
some days the window just seems so tempting
he thinks " i die to heal"
stupidity....."
how long more can i keep this up, its pain,its real, my life, its purpose?"
he ponders, brushes it off,
and the next day goes back to his routine...
shear wasted time..............................................................
*
i only long for the day when we can just rip the paint coats we wear daily to school, to work, at home,
to whereverthe day where everyone is naked and unafraid....
their problems..... solved
where our mistakes will be overlooked, but our potential focused on
then maybe we will live happily ever after....
if only we begin to see the bigger picture...
or maybe have an encounter with the big man......
GOD.
Stop contemplating, have faith, trust in the ABBA father to pull ya through
Surrender yourself to him
you are not alone
i dont understand ?
i all hurt as much as you do
havent you spend long enough in the shit hole?
release.....
*'he' i.e. in general, both genders.*
this is taken from isaac's. which creations of his own beauty.
if everyone can leave me jes once in their lyfe tym. can i do the same to you too ?
jns*
people will leave , and disappoint.
12:41 PM
20050826
its so harddd to rejectt.
btw. err. shud i call u CUTIE. lol. pls listen. i did mean to sscold u thru text ystd. i mean , its lyke. u kno how much i treasure u. and how u took the effort to come all the wayyy to punggol after skul to have lunch wiv me. yes. i mean. who ever bothers to come to punggol at , lyke the other side of the horizon to have lunch wiv jns ! thats lyke crazy. u said ull be strong. someone asked me "how did u feel wen everyone is fallin". i answered "sad , but at least (your name) is still strong fer me". and u text that day. surely ill give it to you. no more hair in orh luas pls.
i miss the stress. i miss the wakin up early. i miss the girlie politics. i miss the must reach dateline. i miss the teachers who constantly scream. i miss school lyfe. i kno im gonna regret sayin this. but , i regret greater fer not doin well then and gettin into a skul now. but of cuz , im over that era of my o's alr lah. jes that , i wanna go to skul. hahah. call me sane pls.
brooke fell for lucas yet again. well , as usual. peyton the best friend would encourage her to go fer lucas. and wen brooke wos on her heels to callin lucas out , she found a box which had pictures of peyton and lucas at the past of lykin each other. so , she wos devastated. lyke any other girl would be. wen brooke and lucas saw each other , karen said , okay. we got to set the rules in this house.. before she could continue , brooke said "wer just friends. . that all". lucas sank. -OneTreeHill
its funny how wen 2pple lyke each other and they dunt say it and wait and wait. until it never happens. hmmm. reminds me of von and ben back then. now attached wiv else one wen they could have been together. hahah. its not lyke i have someone on my mind , so MIND EVERYONE. i hope.
2 (jo and van) of the most impt pple in my lyfe birthdays comin. . screams. hahah. wot shud i get !!
truely , one person can make a difference. thank you caylin tan meng yan.
wot would i be wivout God ? nothing.
jns*
people always leave.
i feel that my entries are so difficult to relate to. its okay. hahah.
12:50 PM
20050823
in the vicsicities of lyfe , i told myself never to fall from my seat. merely jes words thru mind. merely jes dreams to vindications. why did kingshaw died in his skin , thru rage and intense fear. hooper killed him. the idealistic mindset of it , amazed me thru and thru. kingshaw chose death as a penalty fer his lyfe. wise ? i think not. he chose it ? no. he didnt. he wos bein forced to that brim. that tear stretched story.
its barely 3months left and im freakin out. no , im not. i remembered the grief and resentment. history will never have to repeat itself. i promise.
kel , i thank you for the conversation we had last night. truely , uve changed after seein the ugly side to beings. yet , i applaude you fer bein so strong. uve changed. if uve exceled back than , ull excel forth too. i saw the world thru ur eyes. people , to manage ?
van , i never thought it had meant something to you until i read it again and again. indeed , a person ful of love outruns the above. u touch me tym and tym again. i thank you van , for not leavin.
love is Acceptance , Accountability and Affirmation.
more As , they say. (:
lyfe is all about choices and decisions.
i choose now. i sumit.
never to fall for u.
i love this. 'the scar shows signs of woundin , and it also shows signs of healing' -SyRogers. how amazin.
jns*
whoa. my entry is in black.
yes. people will leave.
1:31 AM
20050818
i went to the kitchen jes now , to feed dusty her dinner cuz she wos seriously makin alot of noise. and , i saw huffhuff. as usual a lil over sized and slpin. but , i felt funny. so , i open her cage. and tried to touch her. and to my horror. her body wos lyfeless. not movin enymore. i thought that maybe cuz she's reeli a deep sleeper , so. u can get a lil trouble wakin her up fer her baths at tyms. well. i nudged her a few tyms and realized , shes dead. huffhuff is dead. sigh. at the moment. i didnt feel anything. lyke , wot jes happened. after 15mins wen i realized the fact of the whole situation , i sank. crimson they say. sigh. i detest myself fer gettin used to animal deaths. i hate it !!!! first it wos heskie , than it wos
hamham. chris said this to me wen heskie died "they're in ur garden in heaven now.". but they say , animals have no souls. to whom i make a decision to ? i dunt want ever to get used to animal deaths. ever. i fear fer the day of a tangible loved one death.
or am i over you ?
jk-the anchor standin in the midst of the rushing waters.
L-the stronghold in the peoples' lyfes who goes thru a rough patch.
how appropriate.
Lord , grant that i may see the joke of things.
the little things that bother now and than.
Lord , grant my sense of humor to be strong ,
to weep a bit- and yet , to smile again.
God grant there be a chuckle in each tear ,
to every trial , Lord.
grant a funny half.
jns*
people will leave.
animals too.
12:27 PM
20050812
i honestly feel lyke backslidin from bloggin. taken akin frm peg baby. hahah. backslidin in bloggin. . hmmm.
one of the issues that has been ramblin thru my mind , i miss the court. the ALWAYS so high net , the division of 6 in a line , the volleyball , sir(whahaha) and the team. (: and the fact that i always wanted to be a libero but my passin stinks. and the fact i always diss vivian about bein a setter wen i dunt set properly. :D so , sadly. i ended up playin the middle spiker infront and natasha supportin my back wens it rotates back to hou pai. wot else have i got to choose ? now that alls have gone to play fer differnt teams in np, tp , rp , tjc , tpjc etc. i kindah miss it alls. i want to play again wiv a team. sigh. screw my slipdisc. . .
family from uk and nz has came back to sg to visit grandpap and grandmam ! (: yeh , leejiah who is a year older than i am , has grown. i still remember him being shorter than me 4years ago. lol. well. ive been havin a good tym talkin to him about almost the smallest issues of lyfe. his church back in london , his rock and roll maths teacher , how his friend can screw up 5electronic devices in a year , and of course ! the significant other Chloe , from his church. (: speakin of which , ill be goin fishin wiv them laters. fishing-jns-fishin-jns. err.
lovin and servin the Lord wos never meant to be a competition. you do it , not to win others. but because u love God , you run hard after the heart of God. so wot if uve started out long , God has a reason for ur rate. let others run , and rejoice.
nathan gave up playin basketball for hailey. they got married. and than hailey walked away just lydat to pursue her singing career. now , she doesnt wear her weddin ring. josh told nathan , "wos it you whom she married , or wos it the person whom she thought or imagine that she married. wos it true love in d first place. if it wos fight lyke crazy , fight lyke mad back for her." nathan continued " but , the matter is , wos it true love ? " -OneTreeHill
'the only person who can never make you cry is yourself.' -salty(:
jns*
people will leave*
10:05 AM
20050808
how big can The heart contain.
how much can The heart hold.
how strong is The heart ?
people will leave.
jns *
1:10 PM
hamham. chris said this to me wen heskie died "they're in ur garden in heaven now.". but they say , animals have no souls. to whom i make a decision to ? i dunt want ever to get used to animal deaths. ever. 
