man can never stop disappointing you. your bestfriends can never stop disappointing you. is that why theyre called your bestfriends?
it has come to a point when my heart fails to find that strength to fight anymore.
i want to forget.
i want to.


a friend for a lover. . .


i love pastor Ulf Ekman. He's an anointed man, who never fails to bring God back in to my life. i fell in love with the Lord again today and i will never ever forget the feeling of what i have felt. i just want to stay in God's pressence forever and ever and ever.
i miss debbie and sihui alot.


my leaders right, dont look at what i dont have, but look at what i still do have.
God and my family. .


janis.

2:21 AM

i was reading some newpaper reports on my church website.
and, im so proud of jonathan tang and chec.
im so proud of my church , City Harvest.


tell you something amazing. guess who woke me up on saturday morning? my fightin fish that deb and sii got together fer me(: its actually living in a green glass cup-like that jingjie gave me for christmas. so i place it at my "bedside table". and the fish started knocking the glass again and again that woke me up. its really a joy waking up to something and reminding you of people close to your heart(:
















im so proud of my little friend jiehan. he made my entire week! okay. heres what happen. on saturday after service, we all went to macdonalds to eat at the airport. so, i was sitting with alex,geradine and jiehan on one table. i was superrr full already so i decided to stop eating my fries and pick the nice soft soggy ones which i obviously love. was just randomly telling jiehan i like those kind of fries cause its soft and nice. and he tried one and told me there is not any difference from the rest of the fries. etc etc etc. i went away, talked to some other people from cell, to the washroom with van and came back. sat beside jiehan again, and to my amazement he left ALL the soft soggy fries from his ownpacket of fries for me!! im super super touched can(: although its nothing biblical about fries, but. its shows alot abt a persons heart isnt it?
awww man. lil han. if you ever happen to read this, im telling you that you have made me a happier woman from that day on. hehe.


its true isnt it. when they say its the little things that matters the most. im really beginning to believe in that in a much greater measure.


(;
jns.

1:56 PM

i always tell pple that i hate others living double-wayed lyfe. as in , ure this at one tym , one person and the other at another tym another person. all my lyfe , ive been taught not to use this to distinguish the core of a persons heart. how then wld we kno the limit of every liberty a person has the right to hold , and manage ?


i want to thank God fer this faithfulness thruout the terrible terrible week i had. it makes u wonder isnt it ? wheres all the "all be dere for you". maybe its jes a catch phrase that everyone has to use , even i myself use. i always thought abt people always leave. . the phrase itself. and came to terms wiv it that , yeh. they never did stay , despite the promises the words. ironically , a part of me yearns to have em back in my lyfe. until fer a period of tym , maybe lyfe wos treatin me good , my friends wer amazing sweet to me that i chose to throw it in the bin. well , lyke they say. . karmic wealth. this is karmic phrase(hawhaw). ive larnt , never to set too high experctations on people. dere wos once , i expected too much i got stabbed back in the back by janisleong. tym pass , and realized , my expectations can no longer be called expectations cuz there wernt any. i dunt expect you to call me anymore , or to text me anymore , i dunt expect you to be dere anymore , i dunt expect you to walk me home , i dunt expect you to sit down and talk to me abt hearts desires , anymore. btw. this is to no reference to a person k. tell me its jes an emo morning.


its good , terribly sweet to see two pple reconciling their love towards each other , be it friend or foe. its all good. and sometyms , i jes have to step back to let this happen. to blend in wiv my green wall fer a few weeks and pretend i dint care.


im goin to meet ben and maybe jx tonight. im happy. and i cant wait fer the day to be over to see em laters. yeh. and maybe ben will come back , lyke before(: MARILYN MANSON !!!!!!!!!!!! hahaha. talk to me abt old sch.


i feel ive been very very troublesome lately. to be honest , if ure reading this , dunt mind me at all. its not ur commitment to stay here. i havent exactly been the best of the best i cld be as a friend. and , its not any low-moral kinda thing okay , but. i think i kno myself. lyke ive always said , jes be happy and ill be happy(:


my egg friend , if u want me , take me. if u dunt want , drop me. we've said , pastries are always pastries ryght ? u cant change pastries to . . . err. vegetables ? yeh. if not ull be tau pok. heh.


A GOOD SWIM IS WHAT I NEED , and a good swim is wot i alr had(:
love you van. it feels very much lyke a family member and a very very old friend whos always been dere has come-d home. we'll not give up this race k.


peoplealwaysleavesometymstheycomeback.
jan.

11:49 AM

dearGod,
u have brought me thru my exams which meant so much so much to me. but i really dunt kno wot to do this tym. to take arts management or integrated events management to specialise in performing arts in year3. please hear me cry and help me get over with this so that i can minister to your pple wholeheartedly wivout thinkin of these. i dunt want to cry anymore , i have nothing in my hands to offer up to you , but yet. u brought me thru and seen me thru. i jes want from my heart , i want to do ur will. the course which u want me to do. the course which is gonna please you for the next 3years. the course which i can walk in your will.
janis.



11:01 AM

okays. im not ryght. im confused.

i reeli want to say a hugeeee thank you to jessie woo.
so very very much. i mean its lyke , we cld have talked abt your woes instead today and how things goin in ur lyfe. but , u chose to talk to me abt my courses and my dilema. and u analyzed everything fer me in the middle of the night wen uve had had a long freakin day today and tmr too. u helped me see the clearer picture and hear me talk. i reeli needed that listening ear at that tym. i dunt kno wot else to say ! u have thought for me today , jessie. you have. (:

im seriously torn between Diploma in technology and arts management in RP and Diploma in law and management in TP. this is driving me nuts. and , esp wen it comes to this tym of serious hair pullin , the pple ard me's opnions matter alot me. eg. friends and leaders and family.
i tried ok.


dunt say i doubt you wen u haven even borthered abt this.
yes , im disappointed. who wouldnt wen its one whom ure spose to look up to tt person.



pls dunt go eggtart.

TRUTHFULLY,
janis.

1:23 AM

i jes want to give God all the glory and praise fer my Olvl results.

i nvr believed i cld attain this set of grades. last year , i got eng-b3 maths-c5 poa-c5 chi-c5 humans-c6 sci-d7 L1r4-24 pts. but , this tym round , ive got maths-b3 poa-b3 chi-b4 humans-e8 sci-b3 , L1r4-16pts.

its God. i couldnt have done this myself , studyin fer the O's wivout goin to skul or gettin much help except science. if u tell me God isnt real , u must be kiddin me.

and i jes want to thank all those pple. who truely meant well fer me and believed i cld do this. seems lyke the euphoria of 16pts dyin on the 3rd day alr. why cant everything be smooth sailin jes fer one week ? jes one week ?


pls dunt go.

janis.

9:45 PM

God wont let me down. He has promised. . . here goes !

jns.

1:44 PM

so they told me shyt happens. and fer the tym being. shyt happens is wen u realized uve left that freaaaakin piece of ur heart wiv the last person. haha. so heii ryghts. hellyeh. i kno. i cant help it can. lyke as if this wos meant to be an easy task to forget abt one and move on la.

i wish u wer doin good now.
i wish ull club less.
i wish ull call me one day.
i wish ull come back.
i wish ull stop to say hi.

and lyke as if its not worst enough that i suddenly smell e scent of u. so many wishes i made. at e end , i wish ull find the happiness u used to find in God.
and okaaaay. im not bein snazzzy and mosshy here lyke thinkin of old lives heartbreaks. haha. jes , sth random. and its all friendsters FAULT. whahaha.


TMR IS FRIDAY PPLE. FRIIIIDAAAAYY. FREAAAAKYY FRIIDAAAAAAYYY. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

haha. sometyms the person that makes me laugh the most is myself.

i learnt sth over BS ystd. something to share and something to chew on. .

* "As a young man, i used to think that God's best gift is placed on the highest shelf and what i need to do is to reach up! but not so now. God's best gift is on the lowest shelf. To get it , i have to stoop down."
-D.L Moody*

people always leave. soemtimes they come back(:

love,jan.

11:20 AM

hey. okay , im sorry la , fer all the delay and stuff. everytym i wanna blog , i get soo extremely tired. trust me. my eyes now want to be blanketed very extremely soon.


preparation fer cny wos indeed pretty fun and exciting fer me in one way or another. lyke , diggin out everything , claening the dust of 05 , jes reminicsin on wot happened in 05 , the good tyms and bad tyms. everything of it. there wer tyms worht e shout out fer , and yes. tyms to sit and tear abt. but , it isnt all abt the sad mosshy goshy stuff i guess. more lyke , wot ive become of it. i read some extremely extremely long billion tyms ago letters from mates in pri and sec skul , and started laughin out loud la. whaha. its hilarious. i dunt kno why enyone bother readin my blog. haha. enbyways , abt , how insaneeee abt raymond and denis and him ive gotten. and how , i always want to be in main6 , and thinkin how i pressed on to my position. hawhaw. lyke HEII lydat. :P the whole entire day , i packed and clean and packed and cleaned. :D sheesh.


chinese new year wos simply a blast fer me. wen i woke up on wed morn , i jes felt as tho ive had an ultra long nice sweet dream. darn. i dread the reality. haha. i guess thats why , happy tyms dunt last long. so that we'll learn how to appreciate it all eh ? 5th uncle got a new babyyyy. hawhaw. shes 2yrs old now , LI YUN. shes SUPER cuteeeee. gosh. trust me. knoin janis. i nvr had a fetish if u wish to call it on children or kids or anything lyke that sort. but , this cousin of mind , jes took my feet away la. haha. first tym , kno. i ever adored a lil girl 2yrs this much. hahaha. yeh. this new year , i got to talk to both my cousins samuel and nelson greatly more too. got to kno them more , their hearts desires. and , im pretty lyke. WAH honestly. (: nvr thought it cld come out from them ? lyke , nelson. party animal back in KL , hardcore clubber , entirely in the whole heehaa scene la. wells. shared wiv me. he wants to be rich. and fer that reason is that he wants to make his dad happy. cuz , he loves dad alot. this the first tym , this cousin actually opened up to me tho. (: and samuel , whos jes joined the workforce , he talked to me , alot alot abt the course that i shld go , the decision that i shld make and all. and , im very grateful , takin the tym to talk to lil18yr old cousin whos quite lost on where she shld go. 2nd day















yeh. heres jes some pics over the new year. (:


my results will be out in lyke , 4days tym. ok. 3days tym. haha. im more lyke AHHHH , but not the shiverin AHHH kinda ? haha. and thinkin abt wot i went thru abt all the studyin by myself , i reeli cant imagined how i pulled thru leh. honestly , wen i had to explain my whole trauma to EVERYONE. and how , i had to struggle wen i dunt understand issues , cuz , none of my mates redoing it. i studied all day and night alone. wiv God. God reeli held my hand. and , He's been holdin my hand. until today , until fri , until i choose my skul , until i start skul , until i graduate , until i get into uni , until i get a job , until i get married to my vet , until i grow old , and until i hold His hand physically. (:

to walk in God's will. to be in His will.


i wouldnt give up the pple who are less worth it fer the pple who are more worth it , is that wot u say of me ? tell me then. so , u will do that ? so , ull give up this friendship we share , fer someone more impt lyke u kno who. isnt it ? everyones different to me. and uve been very very special to me in your own lil ways. how , u wer the one who cared abt e smallest detail in my lyfe , and that matter alot alot more to me as compared to any other big bogus words anyone has said to me. and im tellin u now tt i love mrmonkey more than any other of my toys.


people always leave ,
sometimes they come back.


love jns.

12:12 AM