20050331
everyone goes. everyone changes.and im feelin that ure gonna go away soon. and im feelin that ure gonna change.into someone unfamiliar, different. someone i never thought you could be. someone which doesnt melt my heart enymores.hear me cry the loudest cry of whisper. and bring back your own mind.into this time. of seasoning grace and praise. im gonna meet up wiv ben and tricia soon. friends whom ive not seen in a while. of course , sacrifices are needed. and im anticipatin that its gonna be good. sometyms. its ur old old friends whom you need the most. oh well ~i feel lyke im in a nut and someone is shakin and shakin me. dear sarah. dunt you worree abt ur skul aiiyghts. cuz , ure gonna do good there. all u do is to trust God and believe that he had put eu there instead of law or hospitality. lyke ive said and said. a person full of love outruns the above. so , dunt fret. cuz. ure a person of love. kay. and we better go out soon or ur skul will start. (: dear kwek. dunt be blue. be green !! heh. enyways. its ok that u dunt get into tpjc or mjc aiiyghts. cuz , who knos there are pple whom jes isnt ur clique ? lyke snobs and stuff. but of cos not all are snobs lah. hahah. well. ull prolly be the greatest mountain climber ever in sr. dear jns. now that eu kno pple will fail you. place ur trust not in man but in God. cuz Jesus will never fail you.
12:28 PM
20050330
(:hey. im back at this thing. its simply horrid that after im doin this thing , ive neglected my own diary. cuz , sometyms it doesnt make sense jes repeating wot happened durin the day twice. hahah. cept fer dah super sensitive and super "noone must ever kno about this" part. (: yesterday i went o suntec. chc's main office to help sis yahlan. it wos quite stressful cuz whenever i turn ryght or left or up or around. there'll be lyke pastor aries , or pastor zhuang or pastor audrey , pastor derek. hahah. i made new friends from the zone. quite enlightening. althea and kevin. cherish and mathew. kno them alr , and i got to kno them better. how good can it get ? whee. heh. thans , after doin everything and settling everything. we finished in lyke 5hrs lah. hahah. went to eat pasta mania wiv them. dad and mum are back !! jumps and jumps. haha. i miss them lyke mad ! (: they brought back lyke tons and tons of food from both china and hongkong. glad fer them lah. cuz , 10days break fer them. (: now. 4days break fer janis soon !! whee. yes. im lyke so anticipatin. (:everyday seems to be gettin more and more exciting fer me. everyday. different pple wil speak to me and encourage me. widen my views and thoughts. enlarge the way i think and stuff. (: yeh. first is wos Mr sin boon ann. yes yes. i know. he's reeli awesome man. he told me this which struck me lyke forver " ur falls are to bulid you up. make you stronger to move on. it makes eu to become a stronger person.". than i met sir. he talked to me about his lyfe and that his income is always short and stuff. everyday of his lyfe is living by faith. how i admire him. sucha wise old man. haha. ok. maybe not that old lah. still. sir is good. he speaks wisdom. haha. (: oh well. stayed debbie's house the night before and we watched mean girls !! hahaha. and ate. sigh. ive been over eating. wots new. i bought a new pair of slippers from charles and keith !! whee. a reward from sloggin in guardians. grins. sihui will be goin to republic. debbie to temasek. caylin to ngee ann. lest to SA. mal to republic. jules in CI. sarah in republic. jess in laselle. peg in temasek. yan in innova. daph at nanyang. i dunt kno how im feelin about this that everyone has moved on. but , i jes feel so sad. everyone has gone their separate ways ! oh man. this sucks. i think its gonna be very difficult to maintain a friendship wiv all these criterias to meet and stuff goin on. yeh. im prayin hard everyday from now that none of my friendships will fade away because. when im alone doin my O's , u all will be in ur new skul wiv new friends. shyt. im so scared now.
its ok !! jns failed once. jns not gonna fail again. jns will study hard. jns will get good grades at her 2nd attepmt and jns will than go to NZ wiv mum next year to study and get sis and dad over. jns will make her dreams come to past !! jns will do all these wiv God. yeh. today work wos aiiyghts lah. cept fer some unpleasant things. oh wotever. ive got nuthing much to say. i wish my cell will cooperate wiv me more. please. help me. its tiring msging everyone and none replies. and very frustrating. please dunt tell me its for my good to bulid me up. i miss charbo. i want to hang out wiv eu soon !! and i mean soon !! love.alternative fer new. immediately. the word "BIRTH" came to my mind. birth. so , clean. fresh. reborn. sinless. pure. santified. edgy. i love it. (:
10:37 PM
20050328
carnky monkey on dah way ooooohhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
REVIVAL , OH REVIVAL. HOW I LOVE TO SING OF REVIVAL !!!
yeh. easter wos a blast blast blast !! enyways. fer yesterday. altho i wos so tired and exhausted cuz i had to work in dah mornin but i managed to hold on to some strength left in ma body fer the entire queuein up and talkin to new pple around. whoo ! im so happeeee. ok. new pple came. their terry , kent , andrew , su-ann , constance , sijie , weijian , chiasing , shawn , weeyang , billy , mervyn , yan , turts , shawn , jiawan and huiqi. i never experienced such greatness until this day honestly. to be in this whole thing is simply AWESOME. altho i didnt meet my target of 3 friends. but , yanyan's comin has alr made my entire spirit go up up up ! pastor kong wos prayin fer healin and stuff. so , hz wos prayin fer turts. so , i had to help pray fer yan alone. initially , i wos quite scared. cuz , wot if the pain at her shoulder doesnt go away ? wont i be lyke so weird and ill be lyke some laughin stock. so , i thought. i dunt mind bein a laughin stock fer God. :D i prayed. believin wiv all my heart and PRAISE THE LORD , it subsided. i mean. i love eu yanyan fer ur strong faith in believin. u urself and ur own faith played the biggest role in this healin miracle. altho its not lyke some major thing that happened , but it has indeed blessed me greatly. yeh. seein weeyang and co reeli got me lyke some weirdness. haha. cuz , its lyke. those sec2 day whereby ill be havin some stupid crush and all. whahahaha !! enyways. wotever to that. (:today. cell went to suntec to eat. and it happened that dwayne and sheena wer lookin fer seats. yan and i had 2 empty seats beside us , so. we told them to sit wiv us lah. yah. and talked to dwayne. laters , yan dwayne and i wer lyke talkin about stuff back in primary skul !! hahaha !! oh gosh. i miss them so darn much lah can ! than about the stuff we do and how silly we wer jes bein back than. i guess primary skul phase has jes passed by. so fast. had sucha fun tym can. so , ill lyke to say hi to melanie , chris , keshia , gillian , farzanna , jac , su , zhizong , zhichao , zhengkai ,wenzhi , troy , lennard , jiahui and dwayne ! haha. (:sarah gave me a belated prez. a green notebook. heh. its lovely honey. :Dtalked to kelv last night. whahah ! i never had sucha big horrendous laughter fer quite some tym alr. hahah. thanks !lester queued up so early jes fer us. wivout him. we'll prolly be sitting at the balcony or something. haha. thanks lest. jingjie's zest fer bringin his friends encouraged me. dunt worree pal. at least uve sowed a seed in them alr. (:my darhlin charbobobobobo always have to ryght word fer every situation. altho we cant meet up that often as tym permits , but i believe that we will stay as bestfriends fer a very very very long tym.sherlyn. whose innocence warms my heart at tyms teaching me lyfes smallest but most important lessons. (:thanks ah jess fer standin in fer me at tyms to talked to pple. (:my sista who drives me every where ! whee. JESUS CHRIST , who died on the cross fer me. **i guess. my lyfe isnt all about me. pple make my lyfe. so , i guess my lyfe's credits go to all the pple around. (: God love eu so so much that even if ure the only person standin on earth , he will still die on the cross jes fer you knowin that it is all worth it.
12:17 PM
20050325
heyheyhey. kays. today i went to meet sher and hz. ended up alone fer around 45mins. so , i went to walk around. i wos msgin my chinese tutor , she taught be since i wos lyke in pri2 and i left her wiv a c5 fer my o level grade. i asked her if she wos angry or anything and she replied me this "No. why should i ? i only feel sorry for u. actually i always take special care to you. made you sit next to me. did u realise tat ? i wish i can help you to get an a2 or at least a b3". than i cried. i felt so lame at tampines mall alone crying. haha. not that i wos BRAWLIN lah. but that well. i guess its natural ryght ? so , ive decided to do chinese. AGAIN. yes yes. i kno its not my cuppa tea. but i want to do my tutor proud. and believe that i will make it fer my 3rd attempt. yub. met sher and hz. something happened. i guess i shudnt be sayin this out. might be personal to her. so , i jes want to let u kno sher that everyone has to go thru this tym whereby we are bein tested of how strong we are and stuff. and im so proud of eu that uve gone sucha long way in ya lyfe. continue. to use ya lyfe as a testimony aiiyghts. (: i hope eu had fun wiv dah hagendaz ice cream. muahaha !i dunt kno why. but these few days have been super emotional fer me. lyke , i reeli dunt kno where i stand and stuff. i felt that everything wos ok. ill jes look positively and stuff. i mean its lyke , theres still this stupid idoitic fear in mie which stubbornly wanna taunt my tormented mind. and knoin that i have such vulnerabilities in this area , its attackin the crap outta me. and i hate it. I HATE IT !!!!! reeli. i do. sigh. one side of me tels me i can make it if given a second chance. whilst the second side of me tells me wot if i cant make it again. than wot am i to do this tym. force my way into engin or it ? read sarah's blog. and i agree wiv her. i dunt wanna be a borderline person enymore. jes scrappin thru my results. neither do i want to jes get Cs and Ds. honestly , i haven been doin my parents proud. not in any talents neither academically. i want to make them happy. i reeli reeli want. wiv all my heart and soul. yes yes. i kno it sounds super dramamama. i keep tryin to push my failures at the back of me , it doesnt move away. it jes keep poppin up every now and than. how long do i need to get out of this situation and move on. how can i move on ? how. wot do i have to offer to you Lord ? i can never live on that perfect flawless rose. laters.
11:47 PM
20050324
i feel lyke EXPLODIN' !!!
hullo ! (:i dunt kno wots up wiv me but im lyke listening to some classical music now. yes yes. inspired by marcel tan. hehe. (: todays. i weent down to skul to take appeal letters from my teachers and stuff wiv debster and siii. and , there wos a moment when i literally broke down. cuz , i felt so desperate and lyke. WHY ? why must i go thru all this shyt. hafta do so much. worry so much. all my cousins from the Leong family are lyke easily into any JC. lyke temasek or AC or even RJ , the most is ngee ann's mass com. and wot about me ? why do i get left behind ? sighs. it wos horrid honestly. kay. than went down to TP. appealed fer moving images. thans to republic poly. their cop wer lyke 26 and stuff. kindah surprised lah. we went to SIM. thans , suddenly. i realized that wotever i do in poly , and if i wanna further my studies. i gotta do something that links to the diploma i am doin. so , i thought over it fer a while. i realized. do i reeli want to get a business degree or honest. or go into that line from now onwards. i thought and thought. and realized , i never had any intentions of moving into the business line and stuff and i always wanted to do arts instead. i guess. the answer is clear ryght before me now huh ? to retake my O's. i dunt wanna force my ass into engineerin neither IT. yub. im gonna do well. i will do well. i want God to help me. i kno i cant do it on my own strength. went home. rested and rested. im so exhuausted. and fell asleep on the floor for an hour wiv out wakin up can. haha. and beloved sista wos busy makin cheese cake to fulfil her love and passion and desire and drive fer cheese cake. hmmm. she sure love them. haha ! (: yah. i love you sista. i love you because u always want the best for me. i love you because u always encourage me altho u keep thinkin it doesnt help. i love you because you take every effort to make sure i eat ryght , sleep ryght. i love you because you always want me to save up my money and that u always spend on me. i love you becuase u always buy small gifts to surprise me. i love you becasue despite ure tired of the work load alr u still try to help me think of solutions to my problems even of now. i love you once again because ure my sisther. and that i believe God created us together for a purpose. ure the greatest sister anyone could ask for. and please give me the greatest brother in law anyone can ask for too. hahah. oh yes. and mind you , that doesnt excuse yourself from no showing dusty enough affection. hehehe. (: had prayer meeting today. i felt God. he jes said to me " let go and let me. let go and let me". (: i wanna reach out to my friends. i hope they'll come. i wanna let them see God. peg baby gave me this green dino holdin a heart key chain can !! haha. i love it when pple give me green stuff , it shows they reeli kno wot colour i lyke. hahah. thanks chiews !! so sweet of eu. always blessin me ah u. i tell you , eu so better watch out cuz God is gonna pour down his ULTIMATE blessin in ur lyfe !! hehehe. aiiyghts. i read lest's blog jes now. im so glad he's glad about SA. i knew him goin there wos indeed God's decision. SA RAWKS TO ME UNTIL TODAY LAH. hahah. y'kno. i reeli feel lyke crying now. i kno lest lyke fer less than a year and that. he has became my best friend that , eben tho how desperate i wanna go to SA , knowing that i cant. but knowing that " a part of me " is there. i feel happy. and lest darhlin , if ure readin this. i jes want eu to kno that. im so proud of eu as well and that from this day forth , u will go out as a mighty giant. there will bbe nuthing , NUTHING that u cannot overcome aiiyghts. :D u have grown so much spiritually and y'kno wot. ure healthy spiritual lyfe is reflectin on yer physical out look as well ! hahah. lyke wot i always said. ur wife is so lucky. except , she has to tolerate all the MINGERRRRRRRs and all ur cannot close ur mouth wens eu eat habit and all ur " WOT U SAY ?? ". i bet despite all these. she will be greatly blessed by your love for pple. (: this is to sarah , my ku ku ka ka girlfriend. i am one blessed GIRL wiv a pal lyke eu by my side. ure lyke gonna shake material science i tell u.this is one emo entry. hahaha. (: wells , i guess lyfes have their sugar abd salt too. loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
11:45 PM
20050323
(: aiiyghts. stayed over at deb's house last night and it wos a blast !! (: yeh. tho the confused hearts and stuff. but , im glad its subsided. i ended up fallin asleep the first AGAIN. sheesh. im not that good at stayover's am i ? y'kno. they say true friends are those who go thru dah thick and thin wiv yer. lyke. so wot wiv dah good friends or best friends or any kind ? i guess those that will stick wiv eu are the most impt huh ? :D yeh. been classmates since pri6. so close and despite driftin apart at tyms. we pulled thru. and we cling on to eahc other. this is indeed my lowest peak and i am so so so glad God put them into my lyfe. now i know. friends who go thru the thick and thin wiv yer. thin- wer gonna have sucha fun tym at msia which is lyke in a matter of days. :D 4th marrr !! hehe. thanks debsterr and siii.enyways. today's work wos aiiyghts lah. did dah usual. yati wos reeli funny and stuff. hahah !! okays. thans , after work went to meet dah girls again. and they are in my house now makin sucha fuss about everything. hahah ! u can never be quiet wiv out them i must insist. im gonna appeal as well as retake my O's. so if i cant make it fer appeal at least i have a safe net fer retakin my O's. and im sure God will defiantely place me to somewhere of his desire. so , let his desires be mine ! (: im soooo sad. i haven got any friends confirmin about goin to the easter svc wiv me yet. i hope yan , char , kelv and gavin will go. and i hope they will see wot i am always seeing. God's love. :D hmmm. i would lyke to say something. i talked to ben ystd. i told him " why not i go to ite wiv u. " and i meant it cuz i mean at least ive got a pal backin me up and all. he said " NO , dunt ever. remember you promised? ". y'kno. ben always thinks that ite isnt good fer someone lyke me. how many pple can actually think that way. i mean , he has sucha been a good friend of mine. and im actually quite surprise i have found a friend in him. initially thinkin that he's jes another guy who doesnt reeli appreciate this kindah friendship and stuff. but its a different perspective lah. ben take cares of his friends. im so glad he has found significant other - irene. (; okkkkk. i better go entertain my mates. (: loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
11:03 PM
20050322
Jesus. hold my hand. and guide me.
i reeli dunt kno how to describe ma emotions fer today. i mean. i got my posting out alr. and , it wos unsuccessful. not that im expecting it. but i expected lyke gettin into one course of my 12 choices ? so. sighs. in a delima again. and this tym. i feel myself being emotionally stronger. yet tighter in my feelins.
retail's management COP 16. considerin its a new course . im quite shocked that its so low. oh well. so , obviously i didnt get in. debster got into her biz , im reeli very happy fer her. she said this which reeli moved me. " i feel very sad even tho i got into my course, seeing u all nv get in to where u all want". i mean , to me. tho its jes a sentence but. it moved me. some of my friends got into wot they reeli want or at least get into somewhere decent and it seem to be that their world are fallin apart worst than mine. i seriously dunt understand why. God , let me have compassion fer them. i mean. i have NO where to go. and , i strongly wanna do my O's again. but the pple around me jes dunt encourage that. i guess , i shud listen to where God wants me to go and do. eaither retake or try appealin into engineering or IT courses.
and the worst thing is , my parents are in china at this crucial moment. still , they called and asked me wot are my plans. i thank God fer supportive parents. they reeli believed in me. thanks daddy and mum. (: i love u.
y'kno. we , as human beins have NUTHIN to offer to God. we have fallen because of our fallen nature. and , its lyke. i feel. i shudnt hold on to my lyfe so tightly. jes let go and let God handle my lyfe. ive learnt so much. i guess its all in God's plan. ive learnt a lesson. and i will never ever repeat it ever again.
seems lyke jns' out fer re-doin it. friends , i reeli hopoe that u can support my decision. i want a second chance. and i want to glorify the Lord wiv my next results. reeli.
and thanks as well fer pple who have been loving me all the way. thanks fer ya encouragements. to sihui , is ok. move on. i love u girl. and y'kno - God is mouldin us jes lyke a potter. u will do well wherever u go. pray. be wise. seek God first. he will guide u kays. and to debbie. i love u. u are indeed my inspiration at tyms. weird huh ? and to ade , kelv , daph , jess , cay , lest , ben and huizhen. thank you so so much.
love.
11:23 PM
20050321
HEEeeyyyYY !! (: aiiyghts. i woke up earlier thans i expected. hahah. fed dusty. she's gettin fatter each day. and sometyms i think that her head is a lil too small fer her body ? hahah. enyways , i love it wens she hops around dah house. (: cuz , she's happy. always wanted a rabbit since i wos a lil girl. (:aiiyghts, went to work today. it wos crazy. i mean , ive always had this style of receiving. mr ker taught me and all. that yes. beloved chua pek kim came and talked me off. not that her fault lah , but sometyms. gotta be liberal in certain things darhlin ! ya. aiiyghts. ill jes relex and stuff. she took out her frustrations on siii and shidah. which pissed me off quite abit. grr. um. at night wos the funnest lah can. i met jess , lest and cay at my house dah coffee shop there to eat orh lua. muahaha ! so touiched , came all the way to punggol. lyke who on earth would accompany in PUNGGOL jes to eat and talk to me. im honoured to have such beautiful friends. (: yeh. thanks darhlins !! yaa. we wer lyke screamin lyke mad of dah whole "ming erRRRrRrRrrRr" thing. hahaha. sheesh. y'kno. i realized , that sometyms we all gotta let go. let go of ya lyfe. postings out tml. either im in poly or im gonna do my O's again. yub. peace.
10:38 PM
20050320
okays. hello world. (: i dunt kno how i got myself into this bloggin thing. lyke finally. dunt say im laggin please. oh gosh. went fer s5 wiv sher. (she's sucha darhlin) and s6 wiv e314. SY rogers rule. i mean , so wot about his previous lyfestyle. so , i guess its how u lead yer lyfe now huh. yes. he has all these drama-mama movements which can reeli take all yer attention. sy rogers. ure indeed an anointed man of God. um. ate. thans went to fareats wiv lest. peg. wx. and jk. went to dah beloved shop can. i saw ths "blur fellah". and we talked a lil lah. jes asked how are u and stuff. omg. i almost died there can. hahah. lest wos lyke " BYEEEE BRYAN". hahah. i had a blast tym of my lyfe. ming ERRR. hahah. nonsensical to tears that ull think wer jes lyke some in a nut shell. but oh enyhows ! lest darhlin. ure sucha blessing to me in my lyfe. ur wife will be so lucky can. (: and peg baby , u dunt kno how much im so proud of yer ! uve changed lyke so dramatically. gr8. finally i can hear yer laughter. (: im so excited fer 4th apr !! going to msia wiv dah girls. i love eu both siii and debster , eu always have something fer me to look forward to everytym im wiv u all. yes. wer gonna turn msia down. at radius hotel and colmar tropicale !! hahaha. berjaya tyms squaree. get ready to eat our money !! haha.enyways. this is first entry. wonder how would it be lyke in fute. lol. who's know.s first entry and dah last entry. hope jk is doin fine now. muahahas. oh yes. and to my dearest pal KK , its all in God's hands. (: jes sit back and relex how he makes and moulds yer lyfe. (: soooo. im off fer now. hatfa slog at guardian tml. muahahahs ! (: oh yes. giving God all the glory and all honour fer my lyfe. :D
10:17 PM
