Youre my feet when i cant move on

20060423

trying. . .

*sigh, somehow i wish that siii, deb, nat, joce, joyce, vien, yan would be there during my vb trainings. cause i know they wont make me feel lousy about myself, my skills when im not doing well.
or maybe its all about expectation management?

howwwdieee. (:
its been a long long week, but fast. its the first week of school!
yeh. i guess its been pretty pretty awesome honestly. at first, i thought this class was like super dull and boring and eveyone would prolly just do their own thing and go with the flow of everyone. well, i did pray again- for my class, and i guess it has all gotten much better eh. everyones really bonded tog. and the rest who are quieter and stuff are opening up alr. (: so its all good. haha, i like to sit back and think about everyone in class, monkey has been like the noisy one, and seriously, whenever it sings it would rain. yeh, rena and wongs in my vb team too(: i like wong, shes one heck of a hilarious woman. rena, whom is not what other people say she is, shes sincere thats one thing for sure(: heh. and theres desmond and mel(: it feels really good to have a family member in class. oh yes!! ALAN- my sargeant!! lol. at first, i thought he was super com enthu la, and as the days went. hes like so funny la can. hahaha, how much lamer can you get! and ziying, my ern-ai, who never fails to give me a hug everyday. well, and of course the rest of everyone else. can you imagine, 3rd day and the whole class called pizza alr. hawhaw.

oh yeh, you know. ive been thinking alot volleyball, rp team, shs team alot lately.
sometimes i cant force skills, and cant force the bonding and each team players point of view. sigh, went for the first 2 trainings already and realised how terribly lousy i am and how much i have lost for the past 2-3years. but still- im just thanksful for what i have got left back, service. jan ah jan, you must always remember what you have left and not what you dont have left. i think jiao lian training my basics all over again is also a good thing in a way, ive got 3years, like what wong said- dont need to rush and what yenkai said-enjoy the game.
i suddenly miss my shs team, when all was still so small young and innocent and all the loving and playing when we are out tog. heh. these memories can never be replaced, and i wont let it be replaced anyhows.
sigh, i need some encouragement to play on with this team. . i dont know if i can click with everyone there honestly and the desire to play volleyball with earnest awaitings. i want to play because i love volleyball, and not anyone to intimidate me. .sigh-
i waited for this day to come, but it seems to be blurred. not exactly dream eh?

this has been an extremely trying week for me. todays service was extremely good. its good, just coming back to the heart of worship when you find God back again. i cried during worship- thinking of aaron,sihui and debbie. and telling God how much i missed Him, and how much i wish for Him to hold my hand again. i never missed anyone so much that i would cry, its only God who can ever take that place.
sister yahlan told me this, there are 2types of people. 1,those that stand along fearing what would happen if he were to jump into the river, not knowing if he could swim. and 2,those that just jump in the river with faith and try it out- who knows he could swim?
to look at her and the examples above me is so encouraging. (: truely, there is God.

i miss fattier alot, and i dont know why, altho it was just just now that i saw him.
and i love my DJS alot. alot alot. .

on a happier tone. . . i got a B for math class and dads planning for a vacation on my 2nd holiday to australia and new zealand :D YAY! which means i can go visit auntie jessica! YIPEE. heh. alrights.

love janis.

12:19 AM